I wish. :/
I wish I had everything college related under my belt.
I wish I got the decent score when I took the SATs in March. Now I have to take it again.
The thought of college in general stresses me out so much. I feel actually kind of sick thinking about it. Which colleges will guarantee me a future, what college will I end up in, will I fit in into my college, and a infinity amount of other stuff. My SATs score, if I do get a 1950+, will save me from ending up in a meh/terrible school. I’m really thankful for that 4 I got in AP Chem. Man I really thought I was going to get a 2 or 3 on that. Yikes!
In March I got a terrible 1660 >_>. During the summer however, I practiced alot. I would do a section of a practice exam each day timed, and grade it. By the end of August, I increased to a mean score 1850. To be honest, in a way that’s something to be proud of because I pretty increased by approximately 190 points… close to 200. However, 1850 isn’t a diamond score. 1900 is kinda of the minimum score I want.
Lately, meaning for the past 2 days, I ‘ve thinking of singing up for the December exam as well. I’ll just cancel it, even it means paying extra fees, if I do well. One thing though, I’m afraid that I wont be able to study hard for that one. If I do take it in December, I really expect myself to get a 1950+ by then. It’s a huge jump, like a 100 points, but if I try, I think I can do it. I really want to continue the whole a section a day thing, but I have AP Calculus BC and AP Computer Science A to worry about. Actually its more of Calc BC that will end up consuming my time. >_>. Right now we are doing a semi-precalc review, mainly limits. Soon, the course will become tougher, and I’m sure by December, it’ll be mucho hard, esp. since our class has to finish the AB syllabus by January. This week I kinda let myself procrastinate like today. Every time I do that, I’m just haunted by guilt. I have so much to worry about, yet I let myself take long periods of breathers this week.
I know that writing about this here is kinda redundant since the few couple of entries were kind of about the same subject but writing it here somehow relieves my stress :p. What I need is a schedule. A set one.
All I can really do is not to give up. A part of me cries for a day where I can rest without feeling guilty about it. From time to time I remind that voice that he can stop crying once next year’s post-AP season begins: the time when I finally confirm the college I will attend and be finished with my APs.
Even if plans don’t go as I planed them to go, I can’t give up.
We can always dream, but If we don’t try to make that dream happen, we’ll still be dreaming.
